I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
