He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
