i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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