You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
