clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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