I just made out with a guy for $7.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
