It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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