I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just gargled with NyQuil
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
