$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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