the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
