I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
