Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
