Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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