If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
