I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
