i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
