I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I love you. Go after that dick
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
