Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
