He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Enjoy the penises
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
