apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
