How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
