can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
