My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize