So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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