ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
