First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
