and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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