Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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