tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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