i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
