I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
