I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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