everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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