You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
