How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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