Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
