i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
