after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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