Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
