I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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