My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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