I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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