What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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