Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
