yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
