I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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