checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
