The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize