k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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