She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize