I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
