Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
