Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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