I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize