so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
