Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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