She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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