There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
