So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
