You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You can't just leave with hair like that
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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