Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize