He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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