who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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