i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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