turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
