my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i've created a new STD.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
