I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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